Dawson's Darling's De-Pantsed

Dear Sister,

I might consider halting my criticism of Mrs. Cruise, but when she walks around looking like Tinkerbell's older, worn-out cousin that has two mortgages and a drug problem, I just can't help myself...

Dear Sister: I see London, I see France, I see Joey Potter's underpants.

Let us never speak of this again.

Food, meet mouth.

Dear Sister,

Why for the love of all that is sacred and holy are small children allowed to eat food like this? It isn't cute or endearing...it's messy and irritating.

Also, why do I feel like Suri's looking at me with the eyes of an old woman?

Oh Dear Sister, where to begin? First of all, eating like a primate is no longer allowed once one is old enough to order a pain du chocolat on ones own at the patisserie. Second, a gleaming robot mother does nothing to discourage such behavior. Third, I believe the old-woman eyes to which you are referring are these:
Drag Me To Hell indeed.

De-pantsing, Stage right, Stat!

Oh Dear Sister, this outfit. This outfit. I mean, the top would perhaps be acceptable with a pencil skirt and a simple pair of pumps. But the pants would be good with...nothing.

Dear Sister, Au contraire, these pants would go beautifully with propane and a match.

Dork-O and his Mutant Orange Date

Dear Sister,

I'm not sure what's going on here. Is Jessica Biel trying to match her skin to her dress? Has she done something to her face? Is Justin worried about wearing his contacts too late at night? And which one is the girl in the relationship again?

Oh Dear Sister, your question are painfully difficult to answer, but I'll try my best. In order of their being asked...

Yes.
Yes (see above).
No - clearly those are x-ray glasses a la Mission Impossible.
Wow - that's a tossup. Judging from her biceps and his overly moisturized skin, I'll have to go with...

Oooh! Shiiiineeeee...

[Insert Clever Title Here]

I'm left agog, Dear Sister, or rather - I should say a"Gaga" - at the sight of these boots. Nine, count 'em NINE sets of laces are there...and that's just the front! Do note that the back laces up, too! I couldn't even come up with a witty title for this posting because I'm left so friggin' speechless.

Chere sister, since I'm speechless as well, I will rely on the infamous wisdom of Ludacris:

I'ts a Ho wide world, that we livin' in

Feline feminine fantastical women

Not all, just some

You Ho who you are

There's Ho's in the room, there's Ho's in the car

There's Ho's on stage, there's Ho's by the bar

Ho's by near and Ho's by far...

Dear Sis, I think you get the point...

Addendum: Ho yes I do!

Flowbee Flub

Well shucks, Dear Sister, I know I've been one to extol the virtues of a good home haircut every now and again, but this looks like the unholy love child of a Flowbee devotee and Totally Hair Ken (replete with doll-size Dep Hair Gel). What was Kellie Pickler thinking?

I have no idea what she's thinking. Perhaps she's not - maybe she's tired or just can't keep her eyes open with all of that makeup. What I do know is now all she needs is a Snuggee!

Someone Save the Children

Dear Sister,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when one is promoting a children's clothing line, one doesn't usually actually wear the clothing meant for the children, correct? I'm quite confused.

Oh Dear Sister, I believe what we have here is an extreme case of Giantism, no? Those are actually full-size horses and Katie Price is just so tall the clothes only appear to be child-sized on her Amazonian frame. At least I'm pretty sure that's what's going on...

Mee-Yow!

Oh Dear Sister, I know how you loves you some leopard print. No piece of furniture is too big, no cat toy too small, to embody your favorite faux fur. But how about trying these Dolce & Gabbana beauties on for size? Don't forget the beribboned tights!

Dear Sister, I'm ordering them right now.

Birds of a Feather

Dear, dear Sister,

I was on Target.com yesterday and what did mine eyes behold? Only a chair of exquisite beauty and taste. A moss print of birds and floral nonetheless? I want, I need, I covet.

Because like Celine's heart, my love of green will go on and on...

That's a great little story, Dear Sister. I almost paid attention. Now let me tell you about this great orange chair I just saw on Target.com. It's orange and floral and...d'oh! It's the exact. Same. Chair.Don't I feel sheepish...

Mirror, mirror on the...er, table?

Dear Sister,

I saw this and immediately thought of you and your love of mirrored furniture. I mean, what could be better than the ability to play ping pong while seeing the reflection of the world around you...too bad this fabulous apartment addition is stuck as part of of the "Reflection" exhibit by Argentinian artist Rirkrit Tiravanija at the Nyehaus Gallery in New York. One can dream, sis, one can dream.

Oh dear sister, I knew Rirkit was going to pull something like this! The last time we talked - at the Galerie für Zeitgenössische Kunst in Leipzig - I challenged him to, and I quote, "Reflect on the sport made popular by Hamley's of Regent Street." Little did I know he'd take me so literally!

I must say, I'm slightly embarassed, but just a tiny bit flattered...