Dawson's Darling's De-Pantsed

Dear Sister,

I might consider halting my criticism of Mrs. Cruise, but when she walks around looking like Tinkerbell's older, worn-out cousin that has two mortgages and a drug problem, I just can't help myself...

Dear Sister: I see London, I see France, I see Joey Potter's underpants.

Let us never speak of this again.

Food, meet mouth.

Dear Sister,

Why for the love of all that is sacred and holy are small children allowed to eat food like this? It isn't cute or endearing...it's messy and irritating.

Also, why do I feel like Suri's looking at me with the eyes of an old woman?

Oh Dear Sister, where to begin? First of all, eating like a primate is no longer allowed once one is old enough to order a pain du chocolat on ones own at the patisserie. Second, a gleaming robot mother does nothing to discourage such behavior. Third, I believe the old-woman eyes to which you are referring are these:
Drag Me To Hell indeed.

It's Christmas, not Halloween, right?

Dear Sister, Ugh, I'm so confused. I thought Katie Holmes is turning 30...but she looks sort of well, old, in this picture. Old, and slightly possessed - like somehow holding her eyes really open will camouflage the huge bags underneath them. Oh, and is their another remake of The Omen that I don't know about? Because I think Suri is auditioning for it in this picture.

Seriously, Dear Sister. I haven't seen this much "Evil Eye" since Socrates and his Blepedaimones challenged the wisdom of the Oracle at Delphi. Or something like that.

My recommendation? Two slices of cucumber, a hearty grilled-cheese sandwich, and some nail-polish remover for the little one. Oh, and ditch the blanket. It's so 2008.

Tiny Tim...er Tom

Dear Sister: Whilst browsing People early this morning, I came across this picture, and my first thought was - has Tom shrunk? I mean based on this picture...

Yes, Dear Sister, he has apparently left the lifts at home this time. More pressing, though, is the constant matching of these two. To wit:

The "Boyfriend Jeans"

The "Awkward Hand-Holding Ill-Fitting Blazers"

and, the "I Can't Believe They're So Identical Looking Suits"

Call me crazy, but I can't help but think that this is the next logical step: