Someone Save the Children

Dear Sister,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when one is promoting a children's clothing line, one doesn't usually actually wear the clothing meant for the children, correct? I'm quite confused.

Oh Dear Sister, I believe what we have here is an extreme case of Giantism, no? Those are actually full-size horses and Katie Price is just so tall the clothes only appear to be child-sized on her Amazonian frame. At least I'm pretty sure that's what's going on...

Mee-Yow!

Oh Dear Sister, I know how you loves you some leopard print. No piece of furniture is too big, no cat toy too small, to embody your favorite faux fur. But how about trying these Dolce & Gabbana beauties on for size? Don't forget the beribboned tights!

Dear Sister, I'm ordering them right now.

Birds of a Feather

Dear, dear Sister,

I was on Target.com yesterday and what did mine eyes behold? Only a chair of exquisite beauty and taste. A moss print of birds and floral nonetheless? I want, I need, I covet.

Because like Celine's heart, my love of green will go on and on...

That's a great little story, Dear Sister. I almost paid attention. Now let me tell you about this great orange chair I just saw on Target.com. It's orange and floral and...d'oh! It's the exact. Same. Chair.Don't I feel sheepish...

Mirror, mirror on the...er, table?

Dear Sister,

I saw this and immediately thought of you and your love of mirrored furniture. I mean, what could be better than the ability to play ping pong while seeing the reflection of the world around you...too bad this fabulous apartment addition is stuck as part of of the "Reflection" exhibit by Argentinian artist Rirkrit Tiravanija at the Nyehaus Gallery in New York. One can dream, sis, one can dream.

Oh dear sister, I knew Rirkit was going to pull something like this! The last time we talked - at the Galerie für Zeitgenössische Kunst in Leipzig - I challenged him to, and I quote, "Reflect on the sport made popular by Hamley's of Regent Street." Little did I know he'd take me so literally!

I must say, I'm slightly embarassed, but just a tiny bit flattered...

My Little Pony

SJP is so cute when she tries hard. Hence, these shoes:

Dear Sister, to this trend I say both "nay" and "neigh."

Oh Dear Sister, I see your bad pun and raise you a haiku:

Sarah Jessica
Why the leather cloven hoof?
Quit horsing around

Now all my dreams have come true

Dear Sister, a couple years ago you forced me to watch American Idol. And by force, I mean you turned it on and I couldn't turn away. And yes, that was the year of Sanjaya. Just when I thought I could file that experience under "Things that make me want to claw my eyes out," he's back - and I'm so afraid.

And no, no one should ever title their first single as such - because he's the only one who cares about the music in his head.

Gosh, Dear Sister, you'd better get thee to an eye doctor today, because between the burning and the clawing, I'm guessing it's going to take more than Visine to get the red out. But alas, I digress.

Let's be honest: Sanjaya's luscious locks and exorbitant eyebrows - not to mention that 14-year-old facial scruff - are simply too magnetic to resist. If the music in his head is manifesting itself in the hair on his head, then I say dance. Dance! Dance like you've never danced before...

Oh, Pixie Geldof

Dear Sister, my eyes are burning....BURNING.

Oh Dear Sister. Next time I hope Pixie "Stix" with one print!

I Want One!

Oh Dear Sister, how precious is this? An earless rabbit! Okay, so his ears are probably missing because his mother bit them off shortly after he was born, but he surely doesn't remember that tragedy. He was too little. And now he's just so pwecious...

Dear Sister, I 'ear ya on that one.

Addendum: Oh no you di'in't!

A Kitty Kristmas

Dear Sister, I wanted to help you out this Christmas with a um, I'll go with "unique," idea from this website. Don't all kitties lurve these?

On second thought - good thing my kitty's been declawed - or I would probably be bleeding if I tried to put this on him.

Oh Dear Sister, don't be silly! Of course cats love wearing ridiculous wigs on their heads. Why just the other three months ago, I placed purple pigtails on a-cat-who-shall-remain-nameless's head and he simply loved it. We're talking purr city here. Doesn't he look happy?

It's Christmas, not Halloween, right?

Dear Sister, Ugh, I'm so confused. I thought Katie Holmes is turning 30...but she looks sort of well, old, in this picture. Old, and slightly possessed - like somehow holding her eyes really open will camouflage the huge bags underneath them. Oh, and is their another remake of The Omen that I don't know about? Because I think Suri is auditioning for it in this picture.

Seriously, Dear Sister. I haven't seen this much "Evil Eye" since Socrates and his Blepedaimones challenged the wisdom of the Oracle at Delphi. Or something like that.

My recommendation? Two slices of cucumber, a hearty grilled-cheese sandwich, and some nail-polish remover for the little one. Oh, and ditch the blanket. It's so 2008.