I Want One!

Oh Dear Sister, how precious is this? An earless rabbit! Okay, so his ears are probably missing because his mother bit them off shortly after he was born, but he surely doesn't remember that tragedy. He was too little. And now he's just so pwecious...

Dear Sister, I 'ear ya on that one.

Addendum: Oh no you di'in't!

A Kitty Kristmas

Dear Sister, I wanted to help you out this Christmas with a um, I'll go with "unique," idea from this website. Don't all kitties lurve these?

On second thought - good thing my kitty's been declawed - or I would probably be bleeding if I tried to put this on him.

Oh Dear Sister, don't be silly! Of course cats love wearing ridiculous wigs on their heads. Why just the other three months ago, I placed purple pigtails on a-cat-who-shall-remain-nameless's head and he simply loved it. We're talking purr city here. Doesn't he look happy?

It's Christmas, not Halloween, right?

Dear Sister, Ugh, I'm so confused. I thought Katie Holmes is turning 30...but she looks sort of well, old, in this picture. Old, and slightly possessed - like somehow holding her eyes really open will camouflage the huge bags underneath them. Oh, and is their another remake of The Omen that I don't know about? Because I think Suri is auditioning for it in this picture.

Seriously, Dear Sister. I haven't seen this much "Evil Eye" since Socrates and his Blepedaimones challenged the wisdom of the Oracle at Delphi. Or something like that.

My recommendation? Two slices of cucumber, a hearty grilled-cheese sandwich, and some nail-polish remover for the little one. Oh, and ditch the blanket. It's so 2008.

Smells like desperation

Dear sister, girl next door my a**. She decrees that she doesn't want attention and then she poses like this on the cover of a men's magazine. She's a "strong, independent" woman, but she can't stop talking about Brangelina. She wants to be known for her career, but all she makes is painfully bad movies. I want to throw up a little bit every time I hear her speak, because she's so whiny I can almost here the the women's movement taking two steps back....Dear sister - what do you advise?

Dear sister, here's what I advise: a bigger tie.

Best. Gifts. Ever.

All I want for Christmas, Dear Sister, is a fake gift. Like these available from the Onion Store.

This fine selection includes the following: (1) USB Toaster, (1) iFeast, (1) Kleen•Stride, (1) Visorganizer, (1) Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm, (1) Auto Power Strip. What, no trees that grow spaghetti? No frozen Left-Handed Whoppers? I think those would make great additions...

Dear Sister - Oh no! That's all you want for Christmas? But I was going to get you these:

According to Jessica Simpson, they're the height of fashion. Well, now that I think about it - it's still a fake gift - because no one in their right mine would consider these as actual shoes. I think they match the USB Toaster brilliantly!

Read My Lips

It shouldn't be hard, dear sister, since I'm wearing them on my finger! Add a bit of Barbie bling with these one-of-a-kind jewelry pieces from Margaux Lange. Just don't expect this kind of style to come cheap.

Barbie Beach Party Teresa Doll from Toys "R" Us: $6.49.

Pink Barbie Smile Ring: $140.00.

Getting someone to kiss your ring: Priceless.

Dear Sister, I know that you always have your ear to the ground for the latest fad, and for that skill, I would give an arm. But don't forget, when spreading the trends by word of mouth, try not to be a boob about it.

Really?

Yes, dear sister. Really...

BoGo gone wrong

Totes my dear sister, I agree with you on Michelle Obama's choice on red. Though I hardly noticed that night as part of the mass of humanity in Grant Park, but I can only surmise that perhaps Michelle was reclaiming the color red - she is going to OWN that color...own it!!


What I cannot find a reason to is this fun confection of something. I'm drug free and proud, but this outfit makes me doubt that decision.

Dear Sister, I love BoGo time at Payless as much as the next saavy shopper, but never has it crossed my mind to wear one of each at the same time...at least not in the past few months. I'm sure there's a fashion statement in here somewhere, but I can't get past all the patterns and colors. I think perhaps I prefer when Joss Stone chooses to wear no shoes at all on the carpet?

Oh Dear Sister, I...uh...well. Okay, let's just say that- Wait, let me start over. I... For example...

I give up. Words fail me.

Betcha THAT Didn't Cost $150,000

You know, dear sister, many are criticizing Michelle Obama's choice of dress last night, saying the Narciso Rodriguez frock didn't flatter her frame. But that was the least of my concerns. I think the fit was fine. The bigger question is why did she and her oldest daughter choose red? Isn't that the color of the other party? Where was the tried and true Democratic blue? Curious, don't you think?

Isn't she De-ugly?

Dear Sister: I think the doves did cry when they saw this cover image. I love Kate Winslet, she's totes awesome. But even she cannot carry the weird lion-mane hare, boring white coat, and overdone airbrushing. The accompanying article, "Isn’t She Deneuvely," is typical Kate - frank and interesting. But my dear fashionista sister, does this cover not make you say Quel horreur??

Oh, Dear Sister, an abomination indeed! And this from a woman who was "outraged" a few years back when GQ reduced her thighs to the size of my upper arms for their cover shoot. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Oh, and the FemBots called: they want their hair back.

Oh, and the Snow Queen called: she wants her coat back.

Oh, and Madonna from 1983 called: she wants her eyebrows back.

Oh, and I'm calling: I want those shoes. Those are actually really cool

Tiny Tim...er Tom

Dear Sister: Whilst browsing People early this morning, I came across this picture, and my first thought was - has Tom shrunk? I mean based on this picture...

Yes, Dear Sister, he has apparently left the lifts at home this time. More pressing, though, is the constant matching of these two. To wit:

The "Boyfriend Jeans"

The "Awkward Hand-Holding Ill-Fitting Blazers"

and, the "I Can't Believe They're So Identical Looking Suits"

Call me crazy, but I can't help but think that this is the next logical step: