Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I think Skeletor has lost some weight...or am I just imagining it? George Romero making a new zombie film?
It's a person, right?
Why do I feel like I need a donut?
Dear Sister: In the immortal words of one Homer Simpson, "Mmm...donuts." Yes, perhaps Ms. Zoe should engage with the Lard Lad a bit more, but let's be honest: how else would she manage to cut down on dry cleaning bills and scrub her laundry on her very own clavicle? She would not, I tell you.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Oh, wait...not Kanye? But the glasses, they're gold...and the whole thing is over the top. I mean...oh, another Sex & the City movie? Dang...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
As you know, I've been contemplating training for a 10k. I mean, sure I *did* actually register for it, but that whole putting on running shoes and getting out the door and moving at a speed greater than walking part has thus far failed to materialize. I'm still committed to the event, and today I hit the under-60-day mark. Scary.
Needing some inspiration, I had to look no further than the front page of the New York Times last week, to a story on elderly athletes. One look at this image of 81-82 year olds taking off from the sprinting blocks, and I realized my days of flimsy excuses were over. To wit:
Before you become too inspired, I suggest trying to find a picture of what they looked like at the finish line. I say this as the fellow on the right looks like he is simultaneously taking off from the sprinting block and having a heart attack.
I'm off to get McDonald's.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Oh Dear Sister! Look, we're both trying to lose weight right now, get healthier, be more active, all that jazz. So why don't we offer some of our best dieting and fitness tips? No, not the crappy, useless ones you'll find on all those *other* sites, but really useful, helpful information for real women, you know? I'll start...
1. Calling it "aioli" doesn't mask the fact that you're eating mayonnaise. And slathering it on a calorically deprived fungus for a "healthy" sandwich fools no one. Not even those fries sitting next to it on the plate. (Mmm...fries...)
2. Cheese does not have it's own category on the food pyramid. I even looked underneath. Nope, not there. But don't you wish it was, Dear Sister?
Oh, dear Sister, I agree - if only cheese fries had it's own category, it would be like the best of both worlds. Alas, my pining is for naught, so I will add two of my own fun weight loss tips:
3. Despite the fact that you should have at least 3 servings of grain and protein each day, that does not equal eating half a pizza by yourself at 10pm.
4. If after running to catch your bus you need a cool down and a fresh change of clothes, that should probably not be the only time you run during the week.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I might consider halting my criticism of Mrs. Cruise, but when she walks around looking like Tinkerbell's older, worn-out cousin that has two mortgages and a drug problem, I just can't help myself...
Dear Sister: I see London, I see France, I see Joey Potter's underpants.
Let us never speak of this again.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Why for the love of all that is sacred and holy are small children allowed to eat food like this? It isn't cute or endearing...it's messy and irritating.
Oh Dear Sister, where to begin? First of all, eating like a primate is no longer allowed once one is old enough to order a pain du chocolat on ones own at the patisserie. Second, a gleaming robot mother does nothing to discourage such behavior. Third, I believe the old-woman eyes to which you are referring are these:
Drag Me To Hell indeed.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Oh Dear Sister, your question are painfully difficult to answer, but I'll try my best. In order of their being asked...
Yes (see above).
No - clearly those are x-ray glasses a la Mission Impossible.
Wow - that's a tossup. Judging from her biceps and his overly moisturized skin, I'll have to go with...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'ts a Ho wide world, that we livin' in
Not all, just some
There's Ho's in the room, there's Ho's in the car
There's Ho's on stage, there's Ho's by the bar
Ho's by near and Ho's by far...
Dear Sis, I think you get the point...
Addendum: Ho yes I do!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I have no idea what she's thinking. Perhaps she's not - maybe she's tired or just can't keep her eyes open with all of that makeup. What I do know is now all she needs is a Snuggee!