I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

I HAD NO IDEA THAT KANYE WAS MAKING A MOVIE. I MEAN AFTER HE METAPHORICALLY BEAT DOWN TAYLOR SWIFT, I THOUGHT HE'D LAY LOW, BUT DANG THAT MAN IS BACK AND MAKING MOVIES...I'M GONNA GET KANYE ON THIS POSTER...

Oh, wait...not Kanye? But the glasses, they're gold...and the whole thing is over the top. I mean...oh, another Sex & the City movie? Dang...

I'ma let you finish, Dear Sister, but Samantha has some of the best sunglasses and legs of all time.  Some of the best sunglasses and legs of all time!

Ok.  Carrie on.

Smells like desperation

Dear sister, girl next door my a**. She decrees that she doesn't want attention and then she poses like this on the cover of a men's magazine. She's a "strong, independent" woman, but she can't stop talking about Brangelina. She wants to be known for her career, but all she makes is painfully bad movies. I want to throw up a little bit every time I hear her speak, because she's so whiny I can almost here the the women's movement taking two steps back....Dear sister - what do you advise?

Dear sister, here's what I advise: a bigger tie.

Isn't she De-ugly?

Dear Sister: I think the doves did cry when they saw this cover image. I love Kate Winslet, she's totes awesome. But even she cannot carry the weird lion-mane hare, boring white coat, and overdone airbrushing. The accompanying article, "Isn’t She Deneuvely," is typical Kate - frank and interesting. But my dear fashionista sister, does this cover not make you say Quel horreur??

Oh, Dear Sister, an abomination indeed! And this from a woman who was "outraged" a few years back when GQ reduced her thighs to the size of my upper arms for their cover shoot. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Oh, and the FemBots called: they want their hair back.

Oh, and the Snow Queen called: she wants her coat back.

Oh, and Madonna from 1983 called: she wants her eyebrows back.

Oh, and I'm calling: I want those shoes. Those are actually really cool