De-pantsing, Stage right, Stat!

Oh Dear Sister, this outfit. This outfit. I mean, the top would perhaps be acceptable with a pencil skirt and a simple pair of pumps. But the pants would be good with...nothing.

Dear Sister, Au contraire, these pants would go beautifully with propane and a match.

Dork-O and his Mutant Orange Date

Dear Sister,

I'm not sure what's going on here. Is Jessica Biel trying to match her skin to her dress? Has she done something to her face? Is Justin worried about wearing his contacts too late at night? And which one is the girl in the relationship again?

Oh Dear Sister, your question are painfully difficult to answer, but I'll try my best. In order of their being asked...

Yes.
Yes (see above).
No - clearly those are x-ray glasses a la Mission Impossible.
Wow - that's a tossup. Judging from her biceps and his overly moisturized skin, I'll have to go with...

Oooh! Shiiiineeeee...