I Want One!

Oh Dear Sister, how precious is this? An earless rabbit! Okay, so his ears are probably missing because his mother bit them off shortly after he was born, but he surely doesn't remember that tragedy. He was too little. And now he's just so pwecious...

Dear Sister, I 'ear ya on that one.

Addendum: Oh no you di'in't!

A Kitty Kristmas

Dear Sister, I wanted to help you out this Christmas with a um, I'll go with "unique," idea from this website. Don't all kitties lurve these?

On second thought - good thing my kitty's been declawed - or I would probably be bleeding if I tried to put this on him.

Oh Dear Sister, don't be silly! Of course cats love wearing ridiculous wigs on their heads. Why just the other three months ago, I placed purple pigtails on a-cat-who-shall-remain-nameless's head and he simply loved it. We're talking purr city here. Doesn't he look happy?

It's Christmas, not Halloween, right?

Dear Sister, Ugh, I'm so confused. I thought Katie Holmes is turning 30...but she looks sort of well, old, in this picture. Old, and slightly possessed - like somehow holding her eyes really open will camouflage the huge bags underneath them. Oh, and is their another remake of The Omen that I don't know about? Because I think Suri is auditioning for it in this picture.

Seriously, Dear Sister. I haven't seen this much "Evil Eye" since Socrates and his Blepedaimones challenged the wisdom of the Oracle at Delphi. Or something like that.

My recommendation? Two slices of cucumber, a hearty grilled-cheese sandwich, and some nail-polish remover for the little one. Oh, and ditch the blanket. It's so 2008.

Smells like desperation

Dear sister, girl next door my a**. She decrees that she doesn't want attention and then she poses like this on the cover of a men's magazine. She's a "strong, independent" woman, but she can't stop talking about Brangelina. She wants to be known for her career, but all she makes is painfully bad movies. I want to throw up a little bit every time I hear her speak, because she's so whiny I can almost here the the women's movement taking two steps back....Dear sister - what do you advise?

Dear sister, here's what I advise: a bigger tie.

Best. Gifts. Ever.

All I want for Christmas, Dear Sister, is a fake gift. Like these available from the Onion Store.

This fine selection includes the following: (1) USB Toaster, (1) iFeast, (1) Kleen•Stride, (1) Visorganizer, (1) Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm, (1) Auto Power Strip. What, no trees that grow spaghetti? No frozen Left-Handed Whoppers? I think those would make great additions...

Dear Sister - Oh no! That's all you want for Christmas? But I was going to get you these:

According to Jessica Simpson, they're the height of fashion. Well, now that I think about it - it's still a fake gift - because no one in their right mine would consider these as actual shoes. I think they match the USB Toaster brilliantly!